


i have never believed in you, no, but i'm gonna pray

by heterocosmica



Series: 15 minute fics [41]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fifteen Minute Fic, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, and i don't think i've seen that before either way so..., i'm not like...western, so i went the orthodox route, so idk how catholics and the rest of ya do this whole thing, ummm - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:07:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22057525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heterocosmica/pseuds/heterocosmica
Summary: Spike dreams.
Relationships: Spike/Buffy Summers
Series: 15 minute fics [41]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1242938
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	i have never believed in you, no, but i'm gonna pray

**Author's Note:**

> Done for the 15 minute fics prompt word #63 on pillowfort.

_He kneels before her, head tilted back, lips parted slightly, and maintains eye contact. There is no breath in the room and under his gaze, she looks like Athena, ready to receive Medusa's head from him, her Perseus. But he has nothing to give her, there's nothing left anymore, not his heart, not his soul, not his body or his life. He kneels before her, marble pale and unnaturally still, and ceases to exist._

He pulls himself out of the dream and it fades quickly, leaving him feeling unsettled and cowed for the rest of the night. It feels almost like something he must have known a long time ago, something he forgot while he wasn't paying attention.

Throughout the day, he catches himself looking at Buffy and seeing her in armor, looking stern and expectant.

_He falls onto his knees before her, on the hard, wet dirt, head bowed and eyes closed. All he can hear is the thumping of his own heart, loud, louder, ringing out and echoing. With his left arm, he reaches for the rough wall next to him. She rises her skirts, lifts them over his head, commands him_ "Confess"

He wakes and puts his palm flat on his chest, tips of his fingers digging in to feel the bone and he waits just a moment too long, expecting to feel his heart beating. He doesn't know why.

When he sees her next, her smell floods her and, for a moment, he thinks he might know what she'd taste like.

_He kneels before her, head straight, mouth open. He doesn't look her in the eye but he follows her hand, as it nears him, a red piece of bread in it. She presses it against his lips and he takes it onto his tongue, rising his eyes to meet hers as he swallows. She smiles._

The church is empty, as it seemingly always is, in Sunnydale, as he walks in that evening. He can feel the burning, prickling discomfort but he presses on. Slowly, he gets down on his knees in front of the altar, and with his head bowed starts to pray.

Once he leaves the church, he can't remember why he ever went in.

_He is small, sitting behind his mother and combing her hair as she tells him stories. It's an evening just like any other. He can feel her thick, smooth hair between his fingers, hear the soft timbre of her voice._

He wakes on the first day of the Easter fast, feeling the weight of it in the depths of the soul he no longer possesses, his mother's voice ringing in his ears.

He sees Buffy later that night and thinks "Well, William, fasting isn't about food. The Lord wants us to love, be kind, and sacrifice, like He did for us. Not eating meat is just part of it."

When a demon comes at her from behind, he jumps into the fray and kills it before it can get to her.


End file.
